Gordon’s Stag Do, London, England

I’ve always wanted to know why it’s called a Stag Night? Woman have Hen Parties.
Why is the woman’s do not called a Doe party? However I’m quite glad Men don’t have cock parties. Well then again, there are those that do ………………

I spoke to Kev the M*d on Thursday night. Its all sorted he said, Places we’re going, Digs & Train tickets. Meet us at the Railway Tavern in Nuneaton at 11 on Saturday morning. After an un eventful trip over from Birmingham I finally got to the tavern at half 11, ready to make my excuses etc. I walk in to find Just Ian the pipe at the bar. Where’s everyone else ? Dunno says Ian I was beginning to think they’d sent me to the wrong place. So we had a pint & chatted, waiting for the others.

Before long the tranquillity of the Tavern was shattered as Tom, Kev, Mark & Gordon come in & it was obvious we were all in an up for it mood. With the later arrival of Alex we had another pint & set of for the train station.

It was close to the departure time when we got to the station so we just got in the nearest carriage & found a seat. The fact it was a first class carriage bothered us little & we soon settled down to the usual Treakle Brothers level of conduct, much to the bemusement of the other paying first class passengers.
With Kev playing barman we had a can each & Gordon was presented with a half bottle of Lambs Rum  & told he had to drink it before he got off the train. Imagine our surprise when he pulls out a bigger bottle, half empty, & tops it up with the bottle Kev gave him & starts knocking it back. The bottle was then passed round, followed by a bottle of what was supposed to be water, but turned out to have a bit more kick.
By the time Raj the ticket inspector came round we were all in fine form. Inspite of him protesting that we were in the wrong carriage we decided we quite like how the other half lived & we weren’t that keen on moving. In fact we had no intention, but made a halfhearted attempt at moving before sitting right back down once he’d gone. Eventually he came back but realising we weren’t really going to be moved by one man we compromised & were told if we moved up to the next carriage we could stay. Result!
Champaign travel on Beer money.

In what seemed no time at all we were at Euston & decided to get the rooms sorted & then show London what Treakle was made of. Inspite of being told we would be fine, there were only 4 beds available & we were told to come back at 4 to see if there were any cancellations. I checked into the dorm with Mark not realising that I would be one of the few of us that night that actually had somewhere to stay, more on this later.
We met back in the Bar & had another Pint before going out. For whatever reason we didn’t wait till 4 & decided if we couldn’t get any extra beds the others would crash on the floor.

After a quick food stop we hit the town, and after walking for what seemed like forever we arrived at the first planned stage of the night. A strip club, closed till later, so we hit the pub next door to while away the time before it opened. The pub was showing a football match, Arsenal versus someone else (I know nothing about footy, sorry). We did the only thing we could have done & started cheering the other team & got a few interesting looks from the locals. Beers finished we went back to the club to find it still shut. By now it was getting closer to the time we needed to be heading for the Dublin Castle so we decide reluctantly to start walking.
Gordon had said earlier on in the week that if we were going to see a Jam band I’ll know he’s taking the Piss. So after grabbing a Pint upstairs we headed down to the basement to watch among other bands The Jam DRC. My initial thoughts were Oh god not another Jam covers band but I was pleasantly surprised that not only did I know the Bass player Darren, but they were actually very good. I won’t bore you with the details of the other 2 bands but the first band were awful. Complete with a lead singer who thought he was Pete Doherty. Sadly he hadn’t over dosed. The second band were slightly better, slightly!

The Jam DRC raced through an excellent set & we even got up to wreck for the last few songs.  A DJ took over afterwards playing bits of Northern & I seem to remember a few 60’s Garage tunes thrown in for good measure too.

Talk now turned to going on to a club & when I heard the words M*d All nighter I was beginning to wonder what I’d let myself in for. It turned out to be the Mouse Trap all-nighter. Now I always thought it was smart 60’s dress only for these do’s but we got in no problem, however there were a few funny looks from the suits as Treakle’s finest arrived.
The place it was held at was the tiniest place you’ve ever been to, down some stairs & it really reminded me of the long gone Sputnik pub in Birmingham.
I was met with the most wonderful sound I could have heard when I got in. Some Ska & I wasted no time in being the only person on the dance floor. Why is it everyone says they like Ska but nobody ever dances to it? As far as M*d do’s go I did them years ago but when the New Unbareables & the like moved to a more late 60’s sounds I found they were no longer for me. Tonight was mainly early 60’s with a good serving of Soul & RnB & I spent more time than I can remember dancing, as did most of us. The amount of Talc on the dance floor made for quite a few amusing incidents & I think most of us ended up falling over at some point. Tom came out wearing more of the talc than the dance floor.  .

I really didn’t think it was going to be so good but being Treakle we made it a good night anyway. 4 O’clock was fast approaching & food really was in order, so we went in search of that old drinkers cliché the Kebab. We sat in the back of the shop munching on what was alleged to be chicken. I wasn’t wholly unsure it wasn’t really Cat. After getting half way through my Kebab loads of grease & other dodgy looking stuff started to ooze out, going absolutely everywhere. When I looked round everyone else was in the same position. Tom was the funniest though. Completely un aware that he was covered in not just Talc now, but most of the mint sauce & grease from his Kebab was covering large areas of his shirt. Wish I had the Camera now.

Best ways was Bed ways by now & here is really where the entertainment (& I use the term loosely) started. We jump in a cab & ask to be taken to our digs. The driver had no idea where it was so we told him to get us to Euston & we’d find our way back from there. Picture the scene. Its late, Your very drunk, You’ve no idea where you are & your trying to find somewhere your not quite sure where it is. Tom, Mark, Ian & me wondered in various directions, asked locals & Taxi drivers where this place was. An hour of circumnavigating the place followed
Found myself in a strange town……… I had serious blisters on my feet by now & after going with Toms idea of getting a Taxi to take us to the door of this place we finally got to the door & the take no shit security staff.

Being one of the lucky ones I got straight in & in desperate need of the toilet I went off to sort myself out & then went back to the door to check the others were OK. Nobody there!
I had a quick wonder round but nobody could be found so I headed to my room to find Mark already there. After several drunken attempts at trying to get into my top bunk I finally managed to get some much needed sleep. Just as I’m happily in the land of nod I’m awoken by a huge black guy wanting to know who I am & if I’ve got a key. Not actually being sure where my key is & being in the dark, which didn’t help I spent a few moments panicking & then found my key. You can stay I’m told, thanks but I already was! Were now told that Kev, Tom & Ian have been chucked out but the one with the spiky hair is still there. Having lost my Mobile earlier at the Dublin Castle I did the only thing I could have done, put my head back down & worried about it in the morning.
What seemed like 20 minutes later I’m awoken by Marks phone. By now its 9 Sunday morning & on hearing the news again that 3 of the Treakle Army were waiting at Euston, having been walking the streets all night we hurriedly packed up our stuff & met Gordon & Alex in reception. It turns out Gordon had been thrown out too & then let back in again! Why couldn’t they have done that for the rest of them ?????????

It was a rather deflated Treakle Brotherhood we met at Euston Station. All of us feeling like death warmed up but still slightly buzzing off the night before. We grabbed a quick cuppa & then got on the train back home. Conversation for the most part was in one-word answers or as few syllables as possible, none of us really having the energy.

After what seemed like half a day we eventually arrived back in Nuneaton. Said our good bye’s & headed home.

Thanks again to Kev for organising the night & a massive thanks to Gordon, Mark, Tom, Alex & Ian the Pipe for a brilliant night out. When’s the next one??

 

Nige